As I contemplate on writing one of the last blogs of 2011 I look back and reflect upon the many IC patients, advocates and doctors who I have spoken with and I realize a common thread of resiliency and hope.  Looking forward to 2012 I see even greater advances in technology, treatments and advocacy for IC patients and I am filled with even greater hope.  So no matter your religious beliefs, whether you light the candles of a menorah, unwrap Christmas gifts by a lighted tree, or celebrate the winter solstice, I would encourage you to offer a prayer for the coming year.  I know that I will send one out to all of the IC patients both met and unmet and one for all of the tireless doctors, researchers and advocates in the numerous fields of study. 

On a personal note I anticipate great things in the coming months for the ICPBS Support website.  Look for more interviews with doctors from various backgrounds and fields of study, patient interviews, and much, much more!  I am also hoping to make a big announcement in the late spring or early summer months.  Thanks, as always, for your kind notes of encouragement and your courage in dealing with such a painful condition.  Happiest holidays to you and your families!  And I leave you with an inspiring, jaw-dropping video to give you a glimpse of what the medical community and doctors such as Dr. Anthony Atala are doing to advance technologies in the areas of organ and cell reproduction:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/12/20/printing-organs_n_1160307.html?ref=tedtalks2011&ncid=edlinkusaolp00000009

For six consecutive holidays (of course I am referring to Thanksgiving and Christmas) the days came and went like so many drips in a faucet: blue, gloomy and the same as every other day.  So much of a holiday is centered by food, alcohol and sitting around laughing and being merry with your friends and family members.  I remember thinking to myself without food and merriment there is no holiday. 

The severe and debilitating pain of IC and vulvodynia drove me half-mad and I think I walked around the aisles of Christmas decorations as if I were in a carnival of horrors.  Looming out of the aisles the cans, packages and boxes of all that glittered but could not be eaten without horrific pain.  Gleeful shoppers seemed stunned by my lack of jolliness and my cart filled with broccoli, brown rice and organic chicken while their carts were overflowing with all of the food that an IC patient could only dream about (cue "Food, Glorious Food" from Oliver Twist).  Yes us IC patients all shared a commonality with a little orphan boy but instead of being kept from the food due to our income our bladders are our jailers. 

Speaking of locked up, you might as well lock up every bottle of alcohol and flush the key down the toilet.  I often look back in sadness at how my palette was beginning to develop for choosing the perfect varietal of red wine to pair with my dinner.  I decided that I would tour the varietals and regions around the world.  Chile is where I was when IC overtook my body.  Oh for a glass of Chilean cabernet to celebrate the Christmas season!  For even in remission I cannot drink a sip of red wine (or any other alcohol) without immediately starting to have bladder pain.  I raise a silent glass to myself before I got IC and I raise the glass to all of my IC brothers and sisters who will celebrate the coming holidays in pain.  I hope that you are able to celebrate in a way that is as low stress and as meaningful as you can make it.  I also wish that you are surrounded by friends and family members who support you that greatly outweighs the candles on your menorah or the gifts under your Christmas tree.

As with most things with life age and circumstances can knock us to our knees and show us a completely different view of a situation, a belief or and idea that we felt so sure about years prior.  Unable to have the knowledge and understanding of a diagnosis of an incurable condition such as cancer I strove to shed some light on the extreme pain, loneliness, depression and isolation that accompanies someone diagnosed with a chronic pain disease.  Initially I was hoping for the same level of research, insight, empathy as I lost six years to the pain and loneliness lived with IC but I realize that comparing IC or any other chronic pain disease to a terminal disease is like trying to compare pine cones to calligraphy pens.  Simply stated a terminal disease and a life-sentence of a painful chronic condition are two sides of the same coin, where with one your pain and immortality slips by more quickly but you would give anything for one more day, month, year to live in spite of the pain whereas a lifetime of suffering pain causes you to measure each moment more slowly waiting for the years to go more quickly so you can pass away into painlessness.  Like the edge of a coin pain and immortality blur and are so closely linked it is hard to separate the one from the other.  The cancer patient seeks time and for the remainder of their days to be as painless as possible.  The IC patient seeks compassion and for also for the remainder of their days (years) to be as painless as possible.  In this sense the two are similar yet oh so different.

Recently I have been with a close family member suffering from cancer and journeying closer and closer to a final chapter in her life, I feel a sense of joy and sadness as well as both an emptiness and a fullness about life.  I cannot understand the pain of her cancer but I can understand how the pain in her body can sometimes supersede the actions of the world at large. Gazing into her eyes I am reminded of my own immortality and a sense that my mission to help others suffering, either from IC or cancer is a gift both priceless and filled with pain.  Suffering, whether over the course of months as a cancer patient or over a lifetime as a chronic pain sufferer, can never be easy but if we surround them with our presence and unconditional love then we can gently carry part of their burden of suffering.  In this small way I am learning to be an advocate of both those suffering from chronic pain diseases as well as cancer instead of trying to point out the differences.  As the Buddhists say, "Life is suffering with brief moments of joy."  Try to be the joy in someone's suffering.