As with most things with life age and circumstances can knock us to our knees and show us a completely different view of a situation, a belief or and idea that we felt so sure about years prior.  Unable to have the knowledge and understanding of a diagnosis of an incurable condition such as cancer I strove to shed some light on the extreme pain, loneliness, depression and isolation that accompanies someone diagnosed with a chronic pain disease.  Initially I was hoping for the same level of research, insight, empathy as I lost six years to the pain and loneliness lived with IC but I realize that comparing IC or any other chronic pain disease to a terminal disease is like trying to compare pine cones to calligraphy pens.  Simply stated a terminal disease and a life-sentence of a painful chronic condition are two sides of the same coin, where with one your pain and immortality slips by more quickly but you would give anything for one more day, month, year to live in spite of the pain whereas a lifetime of suffering pain causes you to measure each moment more slowly waiting for the years to go more quickly so you can pass away into painlessness.  Like the edge of a coin pain and immortality blur and are so closely linked it is hard to separate the one from the other.  The cancer patient seeks time and for the remainder of their days to be as painless as possible.  The IC patient seeks compassion and for also for the remainder of their days (years) to be as painless as possible.  In this sense the two are similar yet oh so different.

Recently I have been with a close family member suffering from cancer and journeying closer and closer to a final chapter in her life, I feel a sense of joy and sadness as well as both an emptiness and a fullness about life.  I cannot understand the pain of her cancer but I can understand how the pain in her body can sometimes supersede the actions of the world at large. Gazing into her eyes I am reminded of my own immortality and a sense that my mission to help others suffering, either from IC or cancer is a gift both priceless and filled with pain.  Suffering, whether over the course of months as a cancer patient or over a lifetime as a chronic pain sufferer, can never be easy but if we surround them with our presence and unconditional love then we can gently carry part of their burden of suffering.  In this small way I am learning to be an advocate of both those suffering from chronic pain diseases as well as cancer instead of trying to point out the differences.  As the Buddhists say, "Life is suffering with brief moments of joy."  Try to be the joy in someone's suffering.

A late summer rainstorm is blowing over the top of the Rocky Mountains and heading towards town, the wind blowing the clouds and rain and chalky grey skies blanketing out the sunshine.  The wind is blowing so hard through my little house that as I write this post  my hair is swirling about me like a whirling dervish. Wind always signals change, whether it means a change in temperature, the speed of waves on the water, or change in general it is the thing within nature that is heard and seen by its action (tree boughs waving, waves curling out and in) but is never actually 'seen'.  Although we cannot technically see the wind, it is meant to be both felt and listened to. 

One of my favorite movies growing up was "Mary Poppins" and among a list of favorite and memorable scenes in the movie that stand out to me was the scene in which Mary Poppins arrives, carpet bag in one hand, large black umbrella in the other hand as she flies into the house of her new charges.  Mary Poppins only stays long enough to help the children according to the direction of the wind and when the wind changes direction it is time for her to move on and help another family. "Chocolat", another favorite, although modern day, book and movie shows the main character, mother and daughter, moving from village to village with the direction of the wind.  And although the mother is an independent spirit all her own, it is the wind that decides their fate and the places that they dwell. 

What does the wind have to do with IC?  Very much indeed. Just like the wind IC changes the course and direction of our lives from the path that we thought we were on to a new course filled with pain and a sense that we no longer have control over our lives.  The pain of IC is indescribable and near invisible to point out with modern medical technology (not all IC sufferers show the horrific Huner's ulcers!), yet its effects ripple through our being with the destruction of a hurricane.  Left in the wake of pain we are humbled by our experience yet know that we will be forever changed by its presence.  The wind can be both soothing and terrifying as one minute it is gently blowing through you hair and the next moment it is threatening to blow your house down around you.  After the initial shock and terror of my diagnosis of IC back in 2005 I felt a calmness come over me like being inside the eye of a storm.  Hurricane Carin was unleashed from deep within when I was told that I would have to live with the pain and fury of IC and that there was neither hope nor cure. 

Today I can feel the wind not only in my hair but I can feel it blowing in my soul once more fanning the flames and inciting me to do so much more within the world of IC.  Although I cannot make any formal announcements just yet about what the wind has brewed within me to unfurl at full sail, please know that there are great things ahead for ICPBSSupport, but more importantly that means there are even greater things ahead for IC patients!  The wind pushes me towards a new destination and each of you, dear IC patients, are my compass and my North Star.